I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
