im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
