this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
