He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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