I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
