Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
