Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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