Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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