she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
