Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
