You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
