is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
