i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
