She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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