what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm like, not good at living.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
