well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dignity is for republicans.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
