Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
