is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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