Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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