So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
