Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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