so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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