i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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