but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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