Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
