it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
