If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
