Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
