They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hippo gnu deer
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
