Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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