ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
