Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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