maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
