i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
