Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
