do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
