i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
