No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
