Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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