I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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