Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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