Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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