Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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