We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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