she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
