Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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