she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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