So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I didn't shave. On purpose
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
