the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
