I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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