Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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