Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
