I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
