Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
