All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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