Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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