Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
