how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
