Don't make out with my wife yet
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
